What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
4 words: hood of his car
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
