its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
