After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
