New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
