She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
