Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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