I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
