dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
