He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
