Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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