I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
