It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
