oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
