Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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