I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
