she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
