Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
