after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
