I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
