Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm passing your future prison.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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