My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
