Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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