trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's never too late to be topless.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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