dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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