so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
