9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
