Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
