According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
