so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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