how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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