Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
