she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
