I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
