why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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