the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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