WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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