My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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