Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
