I want to stick my p in your. b.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
