She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
