Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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