I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
