My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
