3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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