After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
