please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
