names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
