Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
