he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
