A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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