mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
