Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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