Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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