I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
